I will never forget the first tee on the Mission nine at Riverwalk Golf Course. After working in the Pro Shop for about 2 years now, I stare at it during the down times in my shift. Let me describe it for you a little bit. First off it’s the most noticeable hole on the course in that the putting green, driving range, pro shop, and balcony all look at it, not to mention that the starters desk and cart pick up area are right next to it. So for the most part if you are at any of these spots on the facility you have a clear view as to who is teeing off.
Now Mission 1 itself plays a little funny. It actually plays easier from the back tees because you are lined up straighter with the fairway. The fairway itself runs along the river and appears to run away from you on its way to the green. The right side appears open but that’s where the rough is, as well as Mission number 9 which runs parallel. The best way to put the ball on the fairway is to try and play a little draw on it so that you don’t miss right into the trees and rough. The problem is that if you miss left you are literally “up the river” and you may just need a paddle to get the ball back. In the grand scheme theme of things if you just trust yourself and ignore the obstacles you won’t have a problem, it’s just hard to ignore the obstacles.
However, the scenery and difficulty of Mission 1 is not why I am going to remember it forever. Now normally I’m not one to show off, but this was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. Working in the shop, I looked out the window, and there she was one the first tee: Jess. I didn’t know her to be a golfer, but honestly that didn’t matter a whole lot to me. She could be playing checkers and I’d be interested. So I got on the intercom and said “Hey Jess wait up”. This immediately embarrassed her: so far, so good.
So I strut down the ramp to the first tee with a cocky smirk on my face, drawing the attention from the driving range and everyone else standing out around the trafficked tee. I step up to the tee and ask if she would like me to hit her first shot for her. I take the club and take a practice swing while trying to look like I know what I’m doing, tee up the ball, and let ‘er rip.
The ball didn’t hook. The ball didn’t slice. The ball didn’t go down the fairway. The problem is that the ball didn’t go much of anywhere. I barely grazed the top of the ball causing it to spin off the tee. It’s one of those moments that seem to happen so slowly but you just can’t prevent from happening. The same feeling like when you see your keys on the front seat of your locked car, or when you check your wallet to see how much money you have (actually, check to see how much you don’t have) after a night downtown in the Gas Lamp District. It’s depressing; you don’t feel smart and you usually have only yourself to blame. So I watched the ball spin forward and roll its way into the river. Laughter quickly ensued. “Nice shot Rick!” was hollered from the intercom and I had to just stand there and endure the humiliation that I brought upon myself.
The lesson, as always: Never golf sober because you won’t have an excuse. Or maybe the lesson is: Girls are bad. It’s probably some combination of both. So Thank You Mission 1, at least I made her smile.